In memory of Toby

Many of you may know of the conflict that has been ongoing on our home centered around our dog Toby. One of us... who will remain nameless... has wanted me for YEARS to find a home for Toby. Not because he was a bad dog, but because this same nameless person found him annoying. I fought and fought for a long time to keep him. I tried to ignore the jabs and comments that were made about him, but I knew that things would not get better.

Now Toby is a great dog. He is never aggressive and is very obedient. Yes, he is a barker and can get a bit excited at times, but he is a great dog. Anyway, with our #3 on the way, I knew that it was time to let him go. I knew that Toby needed so much attention and so I was going to find him a home that could give it to him. I posted an ad on the local listings here and found a lady that was looking for a second Schnauzer. She already had one and loved the breed. She also had two little children and wanted Toby. I just was not prepared for how hard it was going to be on me to have to let him go.

Many may say..."oh, it is just a dog!" or "suck it up" but to me, it was like giving up one of my kids. I have had Toby for 7 years. I got him before we had Jacob. He was MY DOG. I loved that dog. I am not one to cycle through animals even if I find them hard or difficult. I got my love for animals from my Dad. I am the type to stop along side a road and help a lost dog or take them in to care for them. I would run a shelter if I could. I have to close my eyes as I drive past one that has been killed on the side of the road. So, giving up a dog is just NOT ME.

I took Toby over to their house yesterday morning. The whole time, fighting back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. Now, granted I am pregnant and it does not take as much to make me cry, but I knew I had to be strong for the kids. I told Jacob and Paige that Toby was going to play at a new families house. They have a nice backyard and another dog for Toby to play with. I really did not want any long lasting effects on the kids. Jacob clued in rather quickly as to what was happening. He kept asking me why we were selling Toby. I just tried to reinforce the fact that he was going to be happy there and he had new friends. When it was time to leave, I had to put the kids in the car as quickly as I could and would not allow myself to look at the doorway where he was being held in his new owners arms. Man, was that hard. I tried so hard not to cry. I was able to hold it in for the most part until I was in the drivers seat and driving away. Then I could not hold in it anymore. For most of the way home, I tried to cry as silently as possible. I did not want my kids to know who were sitting behind me in their car seats. Jacob could see me and got very concerned. He kept asking me why I was so sad. Why did we leave Toby there. At that point, I could not even bring myself to explain things to him. It has only been about 24 hours since I left him and it is still really tender to me. I feel like I let Toby down. I feel like I did not follow through on the commitment I made to take care of him. I keep having thoughts of him not eating or not being cared for. I worry he will get out of their house somehow and try to find his way home. I feel like I did what was best for Toby at the time, but I wish that our home could have been one that he could have stayed.